Impossible to just be 18?

I grew up on the lower class level, and I'm cool with that. I never got all the things that I wanted, and I'm cool with that. I wasn't handed a car for my sixteenth birthday or even graduation like my other siblings, but I'm pretty cool with that. I graduated on time, and I'm really proud of myself for it. I didn't do the best I could have, and the only person I let down is myself. So why is everything about being 18 so damn hard? Why do my parents treat me different than my siblings? Is it fair? I don't really know.

My parents are in their 50's. I have siblings in their 30's and in their 20's then me and my twin brother at 18. We are the last to graduate out of the nine of us. Also out of the 9 of us, only six of us graduated. I wanted a car, but had to pay my parents $3K for one. I got over that. I worked a job, and got laid off. My mom just stopped getting paid child support from my dad, and all of a sudden, we're tight on money. I don't know how that is if my stepdad makes nearly 6-digits and my mom works too. Sure, we live in a fairly decent sized home, that taxes are probably high on. Honestly, this house is too big for our family, and it just collects dust. I hate living here, therefore am gone 90% of the time.

I feel that if I am home, I'll just be pissed off all the time. And that's true. I realize that if Scott (my boyfriend) is around, I'm a lot happier, because he atleast makes me laugh. He might not be able to make everything in my life better, but he can keep the smile on my face.

I don't like not having a job, and not having money. I don't really understand why my parents can't help me out with gas, or my car insurance payments. At the very least, my cell phone bill. No, they just pay it off and make me pay them later. They're keeping tabs. I am up to about $800 in debt to them. Who puts their own kid in debt? My mom. That's who. Her biggest thing in life, the only thing she ever wants from anyone, is money. It doesn't matter if you're her kid, or her best friend. If money is involved she makes sure she gets the better hand on it. She'll offer to give me a list of things to do around the house, and pay me. So I do the shit she asks, and get what... $6-$12?! That would be making a whole $2 an hour. That's not even minimum wage... or even close.

Only one of my older sisters went through college. My parents started to pay for it, but eventually she took over becuase she had a full time job, and could pay it herself. Plus she's nearly 26 and it is her responsibility. I don't even get the option to go to school. I asked my parents if they would pay the $20 for my Eastern Michigan Application, that's all that needs to be done to pay for it, and they turned me down. "You're not college material" That's all I hear. Every time that college is brought up, my mom's favorite line is "You're not college material." She'll say it over and over. How the hell do you know?

I worked at Cedar Point in the Summer of 2008. Every thing was going great until I got really, really sick. For health reasons, I came home early, and that's all I heard about for hte next two months. How Andrea couldn't stick it out at Cedar Point for five months. It was a hell hole. They were treating us like shit, and they weren't offering us health insurance. Sorry the $7 an hour I got paid wasn't enough to run my ass to the hospital when I was running a fever of 103 on a daily basis, and couldn't stand up with some balance. I was getting massive migraines, and it was bad. After about 4 or 5 months being home, I had landed a job at Grand Info. A company that did judgment recovery and title research. After working two months there, they laid me off. How wonderful? Welcome to Michigan's economy right?

My mom blames me for not being prepared to be laid off. Sorry, it's not something I want to be prepared for, because it's not something I want to happen. I had told her I was going to sign up to be a camp counselor for the parks program this summer instead of the job I was working out, and she told me that if I do that and quit my 40 hour a week minimum wage job for a summer job that I was not allowed to live in this house anymore. So, I decided to not apply for the job, and just work where I was working. That all went about on a Friday/Saturday. The Following Tuesday, I got laid off. FML. I believe my mom originally thought I had quit, but I know the truth. We had a huge cut in our office, and it left me without a job.

Here I am again looking for a job. My parents are constantly making comments about me playing soccer too much, or I put too much money into soccer. I don't really put as much into it as they had thought, but it is the one thing that I love to do. It's probably the one thing that keeps me out of trouble, keeps me sane. I live my life to play the game. I don't want to go professional or anything like that, atleast not playing. I just love the game more than anything else in the world. No one can step between me and soccer. No one. Definitely not my parents.

When I was 17, I had tried to enlist in the United States Air Force. They declined me... twice. I have an eye condition that can come on whenever it wants. With medication it stays under control. They didn't care. I missed out on a dream I had had since I was 5 years old. I took the test, I filled out the application, all I had to do was get sworn in. Didn't get through though, because I had got dismissed. That phone call was the worst one I have ever recieved. On top of that I had to hear it again. I didn't want to get out of bed, and I didn't want to leave my room. It took me weeks to get over it. If I could have just done that, I would not be here in this house, with out a job, with out insurance, with out anything. I would be traveling the world, as a stronger person. I would be a part of a team that is great. I would be me. An individual.

That's all I really want to be. I want to be me. An individual. An Eighteen Year Old. Andrea-Mae Fasten. I just want to be me. How come it's so damn hard?!

Fasten Out.